Would you look at that, wrestling fam? It’s the go-home show for Smackdown! Fast Lane is upon us and while this isn’t necessarily a pay-per-view that’s crucial to the schedule, it’s nice to see them giving it some build and credibility…somewhat. We’ll get to the somewhat later on. Let’s take a look at what happened on the blue brand!
Daniel Bryan opened the show by coming down to the ring accompanied by his minion Rowan. He called Kofi Kingston a supporting player and that Vince replaced someone who throws pancakes with someone who eats pancakes. He began to run down Kevin Owens, until the prizefighter himself showed up. Owens was upset that Bryan thinks he’s better than everyone else and that he threw the WWE title in the trash. They got into it until Rowan stepped in.
Thoughts: Kevin Owens has been back for two weeks and we’re already back to the fat shaming. Thought things were changing around here. Also what should we name that nifty iron-claw slam thing that Rowan did?
Grade: B
The Usos came down to the ring. The twins mocked both Shane McMahon and The Miz’s friendship and the fact that McMahon likes to jump off of really high things. This brought out Miz and McMahon and The Miz took on Jey Uso.
The Miz vs Jey Uso
The match actually started during a commercial break, but when we came back the two were doing some back and forth stuff. They got onto the floor and Miz slammed Uso on the table. Jey countered the first attempted Skull Crushing Finale. Jimmy tried to help his brother, but Shane took him out. Miz connected with another Skull Crushing Finale and won the match.
Winner: The Miz
Thoughts: The Usos’ promos are gold and they’re so fun. The match was a little short but it was still a good preview for Sunday’s match. I lowkey want The Usos to pull a Twin Magic stunt.
Grade: B-
Charlotte slogged her way through a weird promo and invited Becky Lynch back to Smackdown. Lacey did her weekly strut.
Thoughts: I feel like we’re all going to be surprised when Lacey actually gets in the ring to wrestle. I feel a little bad for Charlotte having to cut that promo because it seemed like she was trying to make sense of the last two weeks and the ridiculous Fast Lane stipulation along with the rest of us. We feel you, girl.
Grade: Not Graded
R-Truth vs Andrade vs Samoa Joe vs Rey Mysterio-United States Championship
R-Truth issued an open challenge for the United States Championship, wanting to be like his hero John Cena. Joe took control immediately in the match, just running wild and tossing people from the ring. Andrade and Rey had some back and forth to continue their feud, including Andrade taking another Canadian Destroyer. Zelina Vega hit a hurricanrana on Truth to take him out, but Carmella took her out too. Mysterio hit a frog splash, but only got a two count as Joe stepped in to save the match. Joe won with the uranage and is the new United States Champion!
Winner: Samoa Joe
Thoughts: I will never get tired of Rey Mysterio busting out random Canadian Destroyers on weekly tv. Andrade is still putting in work like the G he is. I did enjoy R-Truth calling John Cena his childhood hero mostly because he’s five years older than Cena. And it’s about time Joe got his hands on some championship gold.
Grade: A-
Backstage: Becky Lynch arrived. Samoa Joe called himself the king and the rest of the roster will fear what he’s willing to do to keep the title.
Thoughts: It’s been weeks and they still haven’t gotten Lynch properly-fitting crutches. They’ve been kind of hot-potatoing the United States belt around so here’s hoping Joe has an actual lengthy reign.
Grade: Not Graded
Aleister Black and Ricochet vs The Bar
Ricochet and Sheamus started off and Ricochet got a two-count early on in the match with a standing shooting star press. Sheamus and Cesaro used hot tags to gang up on Ricochet. Ricochet made a hot tag to Black, who cleared traffic with his strikes. He hit a Black Mass then followed it with a tope con hilo. Back in the match, Ricochet hit the 630 to win.
Post match, Shinsuke Nakamura and Rusev attacked Black and Ricochet, but the Hardyz came out to save the day!
Winner: Aleister Black and Ricochet
Thoughts: This match was a lot fun. Like I stated in a previous review, Black and Ricochet were not two superstars I would ever think to put together as a team. That flip taunt they did together was sick though. I still have the gif saved.
Grade: B+
Mandy Rose vs Naomi
Naomi got distracted by Sonya Deville so Rose took advantage with a knee strike and implant buster to win the match.
Post match, Asuka showed up and beat the daylights out of Fire and Desire.
Winner: Mandy Rose
Thoughts: Why won’t they let Naomi be great? I guess they want Rose to have some sort of momentum going into this title match at Fast Lane. I’m glad Asuka is okay; she had a worrisome landing over the weekend.
Grade: D
Backstage, AJ Styles says that Kofi Kingston was robbed. Randy Orton showed up and gave Styles the business. We learned that Rey Mysterio and Andrade will have a match on the kickoff show.
Thoughts: The Mania match anticipation for Orton and Styles intensifies!
Grade: Not Graded
Kevin Owens vs Rowan
Rowan took advantage with his size and strength, but Owens instead attacked Daniel Bryan, who was sitting at the commentary table. This lead to a disqualification as Rowan and Bryan continued to double team Owens on the floor.
Mustafa Ali came out to save Owens, allowing the prizefighter to hit Bryan with a stunner.
Winner: Rowan via DQ
Thoughts: I didn’t expect this ending, but I think it was a good call with the WWE Championship match coming up on Sunday. I also don’t think anyone really wanted to see a long Rowan match.
Grade: B
Charlotte Flair came out and invited Becky Lynch to the ring, who limped her way down the ramp. Lynch said that she’s in Charlotte and Ronda Rousey’s head and that she took Rousey’s best and she’s still here. Flair attacked her knee, but Lynch fought back with crutch shots and her armbar. The refs pulled Lynch off and Flair ran off.
Thoughts: This was a great segway into the upcoming match on Fast Lane, despite the weird stipulations and lead up. This is one of the major matches so it’s very good that it received this type of intensity. It’ll be interesting to see this all plays out as we rapidly approach WrestleMania.
Grade: A-
Final Thoughts: Fast Lane has actually received quite a lot of momentum, despite it being almost unnecessary in the grand scheme of WWE pay-per-views. While I’m a bit tired of the fact that the Raw title is being contested by two Smackdown women, and of Becky Lynch in general, I’m glad this women’s feud is really getting the attention it deserves. Here’s hoping we have a successful Fast Lane and ride the wave into Mania.
Overall Grade: B
-Wynter
