With the Spring Break concept being the standout show of past Wrestlemania Weekends, the decision to run two shows paid dividends as both sold out with ease. The wild death match may have main evented the first night, but it was time for the Greatest Clusterfuck to shine on night two.
Joey Janela versus Jungleboy
What I know: Though I’m not a huge fan of either guy, it was great to see them back on Part 1 following injury and personal tragedy.
Match: Early quick exchanges led to a raft of superkicks from both men in what was dubbed an ‘impromptu superkick party’. Things soon escalated with multiple dives by Jungleboy, before an inverted brainbuster from Janela dropped Jungleboy on the edge of the apron. However, Jungleboy’s unorthodox helped him fight back into the contest, until Penelope Ford took him out with a top rope rana. Having used a backstabber to deal with Ford, Jungleboy showed his resilience by kicking out of a trapper keeper, as well as fighting his way to the ropes to break a variation of a dragon sleeper. This theme continued when Jungleboy kicked out of a tombstone and a sheer drop brainbuster off of the top – the latter at one! Eventually, the standing stretch of Jungleboy forced Janela to tap.
Verdict: The big narrative is Janela going 0-2 on his return. Another match like the Stunt contest that was for those who love a high spot or seven.
LAX versus The Rock ‘n’ Roll Express
What I know: Have been enjoying LAX’s output from this weekend so far. The Rock ‘n’ Roll Express are legends, but I can’t imagine they offer much between the ropes at this point in their careers.
Match: Any judgement passed on the Express in that statement was alleviated as it became obvious how good LAX were going to be in making Morton and Gibson look good with their bumping ability. They had their way with LAX to begin with, until Morton became Morton and began to play face in peril after an Ortiz powerslam. Gibson got the hot tag after some brief LAX double teaming and the ref lost control in the process. Morton showed impressive athleticism with a sunset flip for two that needed Ortiz to break it for his partner, whilst Ortiz took a huge bump on a Morton Canadian Destroyer! Unfortunately, an assisted cannonball that ended the match in LAX’s favour clearly missed Morton.
Verdict: Outside of the finish, a really fun match. The Express can still bring it enough against the right opponents it would seem, and LAX were great. The post-match that saw a huge love in between the two teams was good to see.
Masato Tanaka versus LA Park
What I know: A match that completely fell underneath my radar in the build up to this show – has the potential to be all sorts of fun!
Match: It wouldn’t be a Tanaka/Park match without a chairshot to Tanaka’s head, which they got out of the way early (and saw Tanaka then hit a Roaring Elbow to the chair in retaliation). After fighting off a brief flurry from Parka, Tanaka maintained control with strikes and a plancha to the outside, before smashing a beer on Parka’s head! Fans had to duck and run as Parka almost wiped the front row out as he pitched Tanaka into the chairs with a slam, before the referee had to do the same as Parka launched some doors into the ring. One door had Tanaka powerbombed through it; the other, primarily broke by LA Park’s head during an attempted spear that won him the contest.
Verdict: A decent brawl that engaged on name and character value alone, though they both looked a little beat up by the end.
The Greatest Clusterfuck
What I know: The Clusterfuck element of the name has always been lived up to, so will be interesting to see what weird and wonderful entrants we have this year.
Match: The first entrant was a huge return to the ring for Necro Butcher, with Butcher throwing Bryce Remsburg over the top rope to clear the ring before the contest began. This all was to set up Nick Gage being entrant two, Shlak at three and Markus Crane at four, with Butcher and Shlak channelling Frye/Takayama. The next entrant, Georgie Boy, was dumped through a door by Crane and Shlak moments later. Swoggle had a chance to add to his ‘freak show encounters’ list as he battled it out with Shlak upon entering the Clusterfuck.
The first elimination was wild as Georgie Boy was chucked by Shlak from the ring into the first row. The match offered me my first chance to get a look at Brian Pillman Jr., though his main involvement at least initially was to get choked with a plastic bag by Gage. Nate Webb and Marko Stunt played ‘Teenage Dirtbag’ to welcome Brendan B. Brown to the ring, which was a shame as the camera man missed a wild dive by Pillman. MJF also took exception as he attacked them both with a chair.
Some oiling up between Joey Ryan and Sexxxy Eddy saw Eddy’s towel removed to reveal he had no underwear on. This did lead to a rather impressive moonsault completed with his hands on his own junk to protect his modesty, although he was rolled up for three seconds later. A teased fight between Logan and Marko Stunt was halted by Necro Butcher trying to eliminate both of them (successfully in the case of Logan). Hilariously, Swoggle grabbed Ryan’s junk and used it to throw him over the top rope.
…G-Raver’s arrival saw him ram several needles into Swoggle’s face in a horrific spot that eventually led to Swoggle’s elimination by Arik Cannon. Teddy Hart brought a cat down to ringside, before we got a fourway brawl between himself, Homicide and Cryme Time of all people. There was too much action to really focus on as the match continued, though people began to take to the sky more and more. This included the returning No Legs, who got a rapturous reception. Another person who got a rapturous reception was the returning Brendan Brown as he hit MJF with a stunner and eliminated him.
The End, Parrow and Odinson cleared the ring of a lot of people, including No Legs, before they collided with Shane Mercer who managed to take them out on his own. The match descended a little into ‘look who that is’ as Crowbar, Fake Sting, Tracy Smothers, Mantaur and Essa Rios entered the match and it dragged on past the hour mark. Having been in from the start, Necro Butcher was finally eliminated after a fairly Herculean effort that had to be lauded.
With wrestlers like Jimmy Lloyd and Chris Dickinson in the ring, a selection of women wrestlers come down, including Su Yung, Shazza Mackenzie, Allie Kat and Session Moth Martina. The men en masse are wiped out by the group of women as they attack with doors, tables and light tubes. They even go backstage to drag Joey Janela out as the ring is beginning to be torn apart. Then…the signal dropped.
Verdict: The finish was interesting, but to get there was a long slog at times. By the end, there had been close to sixty wrestlers enter, meaning that a lot of what happens doesn’t stick or is missed by the camera men. Some very dangerous spots were missed or only just caught due to how much was happening.
What I know now: I don’t think I am ever truly going to enjoy a Clusterfuck. Other than that, the matches around it were really good on the whole, whilst I learned that the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express are not to be doubted in any way.
Best match: LAX versus The Rock ‘n’ Roll Express was just great fun and better than it possibly had any right to be considering the age of the Express.
Less good: The Clusterfuck is just too long. It is probably a match that is great if you are there live, something which was mentioned on commentary at one point.
