We get a foul mouthed tirade from what appears to be Nick Gage’s daughter before the show began, which nicely sets the tone for what I can only assume I am about to enjoy. It is Spring Break – one of the hottest tickets of the weekend without question!
Joey Janela versus Marko Stunt
What I know: I’ve watched all the Spring Break shows, so that has been my exposure to both of these guys. It is good to see them both return from injury and feels very timely.
Match: This is the best audience for both of them to return in front of as they are both treated like returning heroes. Both popular, they don’t care about taking the low road and attacking the other’s injury. As expected with a guy like Stunt, Janela ragdolled him around to begin with with multiple German suplexes, before Stunt got sent into the crowd like Bam Bam Bigelow did to Spike Dudley. A crowd surfing brawl began as Janela got involved as well, whilst the wildness continued with some Stunt dives into the chairs. Penelope Ford became very involved as the match progressed as Stunt stole a kiss from her and Janela wiped her out (by mistake) with a running forearm.
Stunt’s resilience kept him in the match as he kicked out of a package piledriver, though an apron rana saw both men hit the edge of the apron hard legitimately (busting Stunt open in the process). Stunt continued to kick out of more ridiculous moves such as a top rope cradleshock and grabbed a flash pinfall win with a small package.
Verdict: Crazy, sloppy, ridiculous, engaging – it was like both men tried to clearly prove they were good to go following their injuries. Stunt looked legitimately out of it at points in the post-match though.
Tony Deppen versus ‘No Legs’
What I know: Tony Deppen is a dick.
Match: Deppen is angry that he was left off of the card, so uses some choice language, challenges the fans to a match and attacks a man with no legs who is in a wheelchair. As a chant of ‘Let’s Go, No Legs’ begins, a rear naked choke briefly has Deppen in trouble. Things go from bad to worse for Deppen as ‘No Legs’ hit a 619, a springboard crossbody and nailed a rolling senton to ringside! Deppen briefly regained control with a superplex, only for ‘No Legs’ to almost grab the win with a variation on a 450 splash! I guess Deppen had to win in the end, but his knockout knee and three count is greeted with a chorus of boos.
Verdict: This was like KTB versus Marko Stunt from last year, though multiplied by a hundred! Just completely mindblowing.
Scramble: Jake Atlas versus A-Kid versus Australian Suicide versus Slim J versus Shane Mercer versus Jungleboy
What I know: As part of Team Whitewolf, have had the pleasure of seeing A-Kid around. It is great to see Jungleboy in action following the untimely passing of his father.
Match: Stereo superkicks from all five opponents to Mercer started this off and things were wild from the opening seconds as the scramble rules saw the pace remain high at all times as initial exchanges gave each wrestler a chance to shine. Mercer, the strongest man in the contest, managed to hold Jungleboy up in a press slam whilst fighting off several attacks in a neat spot. Atlas and Kid formed a union of sorts, only to be quickly disbanded by the offense of Suicide. The exchanges between Jungleboy and Atlas were fun as they matched strikes and moves until Atlas hit a second rope Angle slam variation. Mercer, using Atlas’ hand for balance, dumped J with a ropewalk DVD in an amazing spot, almost topped by Suicide breaking the pin with a shooting star press. Mercer wasn’t finished though, as he nailed a moonsault fallaway slam on Kid moments later. However, it was Jungleboy who picked up the win after turning a rear naked choke by Kid into a unique stretch for the submission.
Verdict: A scramble like this gives the guys in it a chance to show off what they can do. Jungleboy may have won, but I came away very impressed with Mercer, even if it is only clear at the moment that he can deliver in terms of big spots.
GCW Championship Match: Shinjiro Ohtani versus Nick Gage ©
What I know: Ohtani is a wrestler I’ve always admired, yet never seen as much as the other wrestlers who were big during his era. Gage did his bit in the Boner Jam Lego Deathmatch, so I look forward to what he offers up here.
Match: Gage began by showing a level of respect to Ohtani, one that wasn’t reciprocated as Ohtani didn’t give a clean break from a submission that saw Gage grab the ropes. This angered Gage; the weaponry came out. A door sat in the corner as Ohtani continued to show limited respect for Gage during his submission assault, before Ohtani dumped Gage with a German suplex through the wood after feeling disrespected by Gage using a facewash. This set up for Ohtani masterfully riling up the crowd before his own facewash, though he seemingly wiped out his own ring second all three times. The whole time, Gage felt like he was struggling to match Ohtani, yet a trip and a schoolboy (with a handful of tights) earned Gage the win. Post-match, Gage thanked Ohtani, a man he idolised, for stepping into the ring with him as it is the best thing that has ever happened to him.
Verdict: A fun contest that told a good story of Gage being outmatched but digging deep in the playbook to win.
Invisible Man versus Invisible Stan
Two invisible men fighting – this was great work by Bryce Remsburg. It played into some tropes of wrestling to help tell a story, such as gloves being put on to ‘check a cut’ and Remsburg almost throwing up the X for an injury. One of the invisible men got chucked off of the balcony, wiping out a bunch of officials in the process. Kikutaro even came down after Remsburg was bumped, ‘hitting’ Stan, but that wasn’t enough for the win. A door in the corner then broke in half, Remsburg counted to three and the Invisible Man was declared the winner. Amazing work from Remsburg.
Taka Michinoku versus Orange Cassidy
What I know: It is great, considering Taka had said he wouldn’t take bookings in America not too long ago, that Janela managed to convince him otherwise. Cassidy is Cassidy. Should be good fun.
Match: Michinoku, a man who can mix straight and comic stylings, is a great foil for Cassidy. A misguided decision to try and poke Cassidy in the eyes failed due to the sunglasses, before another poor choice had Michinoku take them off to spark a ‘brutal’ combination of strikes…but also allowed Michinoku to land an eye poke. A methodical Michinoku took the fight to Cassidy, a running knee to the face a particular highlight. Cassidy’s comeback included a poorly judged splash off the top rope that missed Michinoku by a mile. Distracted by the chance to drink some sweet OJ, Cassidy was superkicked and eventually Michinoku Drivered for the loss.
Verdict: The novelty was all about seeing Michinoku in the US more so than whether the match was any good. Perfectly decent contest.
The Fight For Ethan Page’s Soul And Dignity As A Professional Wrestler and Human Being: Ethan Page versus Starman
…Starman snuck up on Page and beat him with a schoolboy in three seconds…Starman was Virgil. Ermm…interesting. From the post-match, Page is in the Clusterfuck at Part 2.
Jimmy Lloyd versus Masashi Takeda
What I know: Jimmy Lloyd was pretty crazy last year; I can only imagine what will happen against Masashi Takeda based on what I have heard.
Match: I love that the opening exchanges were standard wrestling…and then Takeda elbowdropped a lightbulb before they both began to go to town on each other with weapons. A gusset plate was a new weapon for me when it came to deathmatch wrestling, but it did a really good job of busting both guys open. Some novel ways to use lightbulbs included a Russian legsweep (with the lightbulb in the mouth) and a bulldog. Then…Takeda brought out a board with open scissors on it. In one of the most horrific spots I’ve ever seen, he then kneed the board into Lloyd…and one of the scissors briefly stuck in the chest/neck area of Lloyd. A weedwhacker, a German suplex across a door with lightubes, and a lighttube-asssisted knee…and Lloyd kicked out at one! Finally, a reverse DDT into a brainbuster by Takeda ended the match.
Verdict: …I hurt.
What I now know: Spring Break 3 Part 1 was a great show, though the main event was very much not for the squeamish. I may not recover from what I saw, especially the scissor spot.
Best match: I really liked Nick Gage versus Shinjiro Ohtani for the simple story it told.
Less good: Ethan Page versus Starmaker wins. Easy choice.
