By Liam Byrne @tvtimelimit
It is time for the show that everyone was waiting for this weekend – well, outside of NXT Takeover – Joey Janela’s Spring Break 2. After the relative success of its debut last year, the weird and wacky pairings of people like WALTER and PCO, Matt Riddle and James Ellsworth, and the main event of Joey Janela and The Great Sasuke had people talking once again in the lead up to the event. Let’s see if it managed to deliver.
The first match is a Six Man Scramble as Eli Everfly, DJZ, Tony Deppen, Gringo Loco, KTB and Teddy Hart mix it up in the opener. No tags needed, so the action is going to be all over the shop. It is Deppen and KTB who end up on their own in the ring first, with Deppen hitting a big knee to the take the larger guy down. Everfly is the guy who stands out initially, hitting some aerial manoeuvres to avoid Loco, whilst also hitting a huracanrana coming off of the top rope. He in turn gets dumped by a DJZ neckbreaker, with Hart and KTB’s action in the ring moments later seeing Hart get a nearfall off of a Code Red-style pinfall. Hart also drops Deppen from the electric chair into a backbreaker, following up with a torture rack into a backbreaker. Everfly is next up for Hart, with a powerbomb backbreaker the weapon of choice. It is all Hart at this point as he walks the ropes and hits a moonsault to the outside.
This sparks the window for aerial moves: Deppen hits a rolling senton to the outside, Loco a step-up swanton-style dive, KTB a tope con hilo and Everfly launched over the top by KTB into a huracanrana on Loco that almost goes horribly wrong as Loco just about catches him. They repeat the rana spot, though off the top rope now, only for Deppen to break the count and shoot snot at Everfly for good measure. The stacked multiman move is pretty impressive; a KTB blockbuster sets off a chain of Russian legsweeps and a final DDT. Loco almost slips on a back-assisted senton for another ropey moment, though makes up for it with a DJZ top rope sunset flip bomb launching him onto KTB in a moonsault. Deppen blasts Everfly with a punch and a knee, but gets caught on top and Everfly hits a double underhook flipping piledriver for the win.
The finish is hilariously shocking to both commentary and the fans due to the NOLA Commission’s apparent dislike for the piledriver, whilst the match itself was sloppy in places but had the requisite high spots to make it watchable.
The second match is CHAMPION VERSUS CHAMPION as … James Ellsworth comes out to face off against Matt Riddle. As Riddle basks in the glow of the audience’s love, Ellsworth hits a chop block to go after the leg that was targeted at EVOLVE 102 in a nice piece of consistency. He doesn’t maintain control for long though, with Riddle throwing him around with gutwrench suplexes within seconds. Slaps, running forearms and a T-bone suplex have Ellsworth in trouble (as the stream is in trouble also), only amplified by a huge Riddle senton. Riddle misses a knee to Ellsworth’s chin due to his lack of one, earning a ‘no chin’ chant, leading to Ellsworth get a very close count after two lots No Chin Music. A third attempt is blocked, turned into the Bromission and that is it for the match. Fun for how long it lasted.
Virgil, Spring Break royalty, interrupts the next attempt at introducing a match, with the commentary team helping me out (due to the poor audio quality on the microphones) by making it clear that he is calling out Joey Janela himself. Ermm…that seems like it.
The one match that I’ve been really interested in seeing is up next as PCO is out to take on WALTER. WALTER’s character is really out of place on this, which is what makes it a beautiful booking, helped even more by WALTER arrogantly telling PCO he has one last chance to leave. PCO greets that suggestion with a crotch chop, whilst also blocking WALTER’s first attempt at a chop. PCO even win a battle of the shoulderblocks, but an ill advised set up for a suicide dive sees him charge into a WALTER shoulderblock. WALTER does finally hit some chops, before a body slam and a vertical splash has him posing in the middle of the ring rather than going for the pin.
PCO does start a bit of a comeback with a DDT, only to get sent to ringside with a back body drop. He drags WALTER outside with him and hits him with several kicks to send the big Austrian to the floor. PCO’s decision to get a table allows WALTER to recover, hitting him with chops and a back suplex onto the apron. It is WALTER’s time to make a mistake, arguing with the referee and nearly getting himself powerbombed through the table. The most stupid decision is still to come…PCO goes for a moonsault to the floor after WALTER hits the ringpost with a chop, but misses pretty much everyone (the ref moving into position to also take the bump). To make things worse, WALTER then powerbombs him through the table. An in-ring powerbomb gives WALTER the visual pin, but by the time the ref comes out, it is only a two count.
PCO is bleeding, but no-sells some chops and pulls the straps down to allow WALTER a proper target. The subsequent chop exchange has the fans on their feet, whilst a spinning forearm allows PCO to pop his straps back up for all of our sakes. The hits keep coming as PCO hits a suicide dive, followed by a tope con hilo! Oh, and a top rope huracanrana when the match ends up back in the ring. PCO then shrugs off a German suplex to hit a Finlay roll that sets up WALTER for a…split legged moonsault. There are no words. One flipping senton off of the top later, PCO is the winner. Just a ridiculous match, but so much fun. One more chop each and a handshake seals the deal on the contest.
Somehow, Nick Gage versus Penta el Zero M feels like a return to normality at this point, with Gage defending the GCW Championship in the match. The crowd are hot for this and it takes seconds for Penta to introduce a chair, waffling Gage with it as he goes for a suicide dive. Another move that the commission didn’t like the sound of, Penta is content to whack him once more for good measure. Gage ends up in the crowd after a back body drop, allowing Penta to set up some doors in ring.
The first one is destroyed by a Gage hiptoss though, with a falcon arrow for a two count seconds afterwards, whilst the second one was destroyed by Penta sending Gage through it with a Death Valley driver. A Penta senton off of the guard rail fails to send Gage through a table, though a pumphandle driver does destroy a door set across two chairs. Gage returns the favour moments later with a powerbomb through a door and hits a choke breaker for the win. It felt a little on the short side, but was wild for as long as it lasted.
David Starr, dubbing this the biggest match of his life, decides to do his own introduction prior to his contest against Mike Quackenbush. We end up with WALTER on commentary as well, with him talking up both Starr and Quackenbush before turning more heel as he plays into his ongoing feud with Starr. A Thesz Press gives Starr an early two count, as does a small package as he shows he can match up technically with Quackenbush, though an armdrag coming off the top has Starr scrambling to avoid a submission hold or two. The next time they end up on the mat, Starr eats a kneedrop to the stomach and has to get his feet on the rope to halt another submission onslaught. A neat sequence sees Starr flip Quackenbush out of an abdominal stretch, only for Quack to flip back into it.
Starr is no longer messing around though, dumping Quackenbush twice into the corner with a fireman’s carry into a slam, garnering some boos from the fans. After a dive to the outside might cost Quackenbush the match by countout, Starr forces the referee to stop the count and drags his opponent back into the ring. As Quack gets back to his feet, he is fired up – a swanton bomb gets two, as does a Quackendriver. However, Starr powerbombs him out of a huracanrana attempt and hits a beautiful Northern Lights suplex for another nearfall.
Some brawling on the apron leads to a tornado DDT into the ring by Quackenbush and a suicide dive, before a second attempt sees him charge straight into an apron DDT. Quack almost gets him with a submission, but a kick to Starr’s arm moments later spins him around into a Han Stansen for the three count. The finish felt like it came a bit out of nowhere, but the stuff that came before was really entertaining. Post-match, Starr gets on the microphone and talks up how much of a legend Quackenbush is, as well as making it clear how much he enjoyed facing off against someone he respects so much.
It is the Clusterfuck next, with elimination by pinfall, submission or getting thrown over the top rope. Jimmy Lloyd and Session Moth Martina are the first two in the ring, with Martina getting her grind on, and Lloyd using a kiss as a reversal. Number three is Orange Cassidy, but he takes a long time to make it to ringside. The stream is going all sorts of wrong at this point, but by the time things are fixed, Wheeler Yuta is in the ring and so is Curt Stallion apparently, whilst Façade joins them at number six. Façade does drop a Burning Hammer to no response, which is always an interesting move choice. He does hit a rope walk flip to the outside and goes coast to coast on Stallion to pin him next.
Swoggle is next! He hits Yuta, Façade and Lloyd with German suplexes, before our next entrant is GRADO! A bit of Madonna at half two in the morning doesn’t hurt anyone and he is the first man to avoid the Swoggle suplex, nailing him with a belly bump instead. Kikutaro is the next man out, with an instant botched attempt at hitting Old School sees him crotched on the top and Grado throwing up the ‘X’ sign. The Invisible Man is up next and goes to work until KIkutaro halts him, only to get thrown over the top rope moments later. Swoggle is soon tapping out also, before Joe Gacy joins the contest.
Gacy drops Yuta with a handspring ace crusher and a superkick, with Brian Idol joining the contest, though the commentary team can’t remember who it is, which is always helpful. Yuta is battling with the Invisible Man as ‘Real American’ hits the PA system, but it is Chris Dickinson in a mask and smoking a cigarette. He eliminates Idol instantly, and still manages to keep the cigarette in his mouth as Façade wipes him out. However, Façade is eliminated with a clothesline, whilst Gacy gets a cigarette put out on him before he is also eliminated. Yazuzu Bomb on Yuta eliminates him in a rough as arseholes bump onto a bunch of wrestlers on the floor. A big boot and legdrop on Grado is enough to take out Grado as well, leaving Dickinson standing tall.
In a brilliant call back to Bloodsport, Dan Severn is the next arrival, with a front facelock takedown and some stamps leading to some further grappling. Alabama Doink is out next and he tries to take the fight to Severn with little success. Severn talks Doink into eliminating himself, though Dickinson instantly eliminates Severn afterwards. Ricky Shane Page, the CZW champion, is in next, and the audio finally fixes itself! Lloyd is still in the match as he gets hit with a Twist of Fate by Page before the arrival of Markus Crane. He hit a sloppy as all hell back elbow before Dickinson plants him with a Yazuzu Bomb.
Aero Boy and Crazy Boy are up next as Crane gets eliminated, with a double elbowdrop on Dickinson as they team up on him. A hanging DDT and swanton bomb leads to a pile on on Dickinson and he is gone. Rory Gulak is in next with a ‘No clusterfucks’ sign in hand, but he doesn’t engage before ‘Teenage Dirtbag’ hits the PA system, with Nate Webb arriving into the Clusterfuck – well, into the crowd as he lets the song play the whole way through! The first thing he does it hit Gulak with Soylent Green for the elimination.
‘All Ego’ Ethan Page is the next guy out as him and Webb begin to trade in the ring, including Page hitting a superkick on Webb in the tree of woe position. MJF is out and they are both jawing with each other, before eliminating Super and Aero Boy in one moment. RSP also gets eliminated as Page and MJF seem to have an alliance, but Martina suddenly returns to the action, using Mr Cocko on Page and a vaginal hand breaker on MJF, only to get rolled up by Page to be eliminated. Cassidy finally makes it into the ring and he wails away as only he can on both Page and MJF. Double orange juice misting leads to a double chokeslam, though he then misses a splash off of the top rope to get eliminated.
The Invisible Man is still in and begins to work on both heels, yet Lloyd drops him with a piledriver! Official ruling means Lloyd is eliminated, whilst Page and MJF’s attempts to double team Webb only earn them a two count following a double DDT. They are not happy with Bryce Remsburg, pushing him over, only for the ref to slam MJF and hit a tornado DDT on Page! However, MJF hits a low blow and a pumphandle Samoan drop to eliminate Remsburg. Mikey Whipwreck is another surprise entrant, looking a fair bit bigger than he did in his heyday, but he takes over MJF with a Frankenmikey to show he can still move.
A Whippersnapper sets up Page to be eliminated by Webb, but he fails in an attempt on a top rope Whippersnapper, with an MJF top rope splash eliminating Whipwreck. A Page low bridge helps eliminate Webb, leaving MJF as the last man…or is he? As he celebrates, the Invisible Man rolls him up for the win! This was long, turgid in place, but a definite experience. Does what it says on the tin – a Clusterfuck.
After an introduction that sees Joey Janela punch Frank the Clown, the main event is up next as Janela takes on The Great Sasuke. The match starts down on the canvas as the two men trade grapples, before a shoulderblock has Sasuke pop into a meditative pose, a move he repeats after several kicks from Janela. He manages to ‘hypnotise’ Janela with his hand gestures, leading to Janela spiking himself head first into the canvas. A baseball slide allows Sasuke to grab multiple chairs, a ladder and a metal tray. The tray is used on Janela, but an Irish whip reversal sends Sasuke crashing into the ladder. Janela gets caught up on the top rope and thrown through a table at ringside in the next big spot.
Sasuke effectively tells Janela to hold his beer as a swanton bomb onto a ladder misses Janela and sees Sasuke end up with the ladder wrapped around his head. A blow-up alligator assisted splash (yes, really) earns Janela a two count, yet he gets caught on the top rope and powerbombed…onto the edges of six chairs set up in a row. Some more door action ends up with Janela taking a flip bump through a pristine white door in the corner. More cringing from me is induced by Janela missing a swanton to the floor on a seated Sasuke, who follows up with a tope con hilo through a table.
Penelope Ford would dance with Sasuke to distract him long enough for Janela to recover, with a roaring elbow and a figure four leglock the result. A missed moonsault by Janela leaves us enough time for Sasuke to struggle to put a bin on, throw it at Janela instead, and miss a senton bomb through a table at ringside. A Michinoku driver on the edge of the ladder still sees Sasuke kick out, but he can’t out of a double foot stomp onto a chair laid on Sasuke’s stomach. That is the match, and it was exactly as expected – I feel pain just having watched this, let alone what they both must be feeling after some of the bumps they took. Ouch. Admittedly, not as painful as Sasuke and Janela doing karaoke post-match, but it was a nice way to finish.
The show delivered pretty much what it said on the tin and was always going to be a show about spectacle. It is by no means for everyone, but the majority of the card was entertaining in its sheet WTF-ery, which is a good step away from the po faced wrestling that was plastered across most of the cards this week. A break from the norm is always good, and this definitely delivered that.
