By Austin Grinnell@WolfmanAustin13
We are now just days away from the 34th annual WrestleMania extravaganza! I hope that you guys are prepared for the show that seems to go on and on, with no end in sight. Every year around this time I get hopeful that the Mania card will build to a brighter year ahead, but my idea of a brighter year and what happens are typically not entwined.
Instead of rolling through a typical list of predictions, I thought we might try something else here. I am going to tell you what I would do with each of the matches that we will see on the 7 hour (yes, you read that right) show on Sunday night.
The Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
-While it’s not like winning this match has led to much of anything for anyone, it’s still incredibly odd to me that we only have a handful of names announced just days prior to the event. Last year, Mojo Rawley won the match with the help of his NFL buddy Gronk, last eliminating a man who went on to have a very successful year. Jinder Mahal was the runner up in last year’s bout, losing out because of shenanigans. While Rawley went on to do a whole lot of nothing, Jinder was given the ball and ran with it over on SmackDown Live.
You can discount Mahal’s Championship run as a token run for a guy who could generate more interest in the Indian market in which the WWE is expanding, and you can point to some less than stellar main events featuring the veteran… but at the end of the day, Jinder went from zero to hero, jobbing out one week, blasting Finn Balor in the face with a brutal forearm in a competitive match the next… and then winning the right to have a shot at the WWE Championship the week after.
It’s a tough thing to do, but the WWE really did try to take a career jobber and turn him into gold. Mahal may not be the guy to carry the company, and I may not want to see him in the main event scene again, but the experiment showed that there is more to get out of Jinder than they were, and he has carved himself a nice little spot in the United States Championship picture.
So let’s pretend that this year, we want the winner to move on and do great things, as opposed to their final victim. Of the names announced for the match, the only one that intrigues me as a potential winner is Matt Hardy, if only for the sheer ridiculousness of him being able to claim he is equal to Andre the Giant.
Other names that pique my interest though? Samoa Joe has been announced for April live events but has nothing going on at WrestleMania. Buddy Murphy has been absolutely en fuego since joining 205 Live, and the idea of a Cruiserweight capturing the trophy featuring the Super Heavyweight Andre could be fun. There’s also always the possibility that one of the six men in the previous evening’s NXT North American Championship Ladder Match find their way to Mania. Adam Cole, Lars Sullivan or The Velveteen Dream could probably make the jump over to the main roster right now. Cole would need to bring Fish & O’Reilly though, and Sullivan could probably use some higher profile bouts under his belt before going up. I see The Dream as a guy similar to Elias, in that I don’t believe that he will be a major player in NXT, but is built perfectly for the main roster.
So what would I do here? It’s time to make the Dream a reality.
I wouldn’t be shocked to see Dream win the Ladder Match at Takeover, because well, I wouldn’t be shocked by much of anything that they do in NXT. Most matches are built up so well that it really doesn’t matter who wins, so long as the match is good and it ends, continues or starts a story… but for the sake of my idea, let’s say that Adam Cole, Ricochet or EC3 walk out as the first ever NXT North American Champion, in a match that sees Dream at the top of the ladder, with no one to stop him, and a crazy decision to hit one of his beautiful Elbowdrops instead of grabbing the belt.
Fast forward one evening and The Velveteen Dream gets a second chance at glory, and this time does not squander it. I would have it come down to Dream, Matt Hardy and surprise entrant Bray Wyatt. Why these three? Because I want to insert him into the feud between Hardy and Wyatt, which quite clearly is not over. It would give Wyatt a short term tag partner to work with against Matt and his returning brother Jeff, until Wyatt and Dream just can’t get along due to their personalities. Then I would have a three way battle for the soul of Brother Nero, when Jeff Hardy becomes conflicted and is being wooed by all three. This could potentially last until SummerSlam, giving Velveteen Dream a high profile showcase and injecting life into a story that has drudged on too long and too slowly.
The Not So Fabulous Moolah WrestleMania Women’s Battle Royal
-We had a lot of controversy surrounding this match. Not because of anything to do with the creative direction or participants, but because the WWE originally decided to name the Women’s Battle Royal after the Fabulous Moolah, yet another in a line of former stars that have been celebrated for their accomplishments, but were giant piles of turds as human beings (*cough* Warrior Award *cough*).
Real quick, let me say that the contributions of Moolah should not be forgotten, but neither should her treatment of her trainees, her illegal activities or her manipulation techniques that actually set women’s wrestling back by decades. Same deal with Warrior. I love the performer and enjoy the hell out of him, but do not forget that the man who gave the tear-inducing speech on Monday Night RAW just before his passing was also the poster boy for xenophobia and a real treat to work with, going on the comments of many of those who tried to help him along the way.
We don’t know what the stakes are to this match, if there are any at all, but if we’re judging by the Andre Battle Royal, it’s really just there to get everyone on the card.
I was leaning towards Carmella here, but I have a different idea for her on the show, so we’re headed in another direction. Asuka is going to need a challenger on SmackDown that isn’t an immediate eighty match feud with Charlotte. Who better to play the role of helping to establish Asuka on the main roster, than someone who is probably the most solid, well-rounded female athlete on the payroll?
This may just be my Canadian homerism coming to light here, but I give this win to Natalya as a thank you for her service over the years, through the changing landscape of women’s wrestling in the mainstream. She’s a big enough name to give Asuka a big first title defense, and she’s more than capable of pulling out all the stops inside the ring to make that match as memorable as any other women’s match we’ve seen.
Natalya wins the battle royal, upsetting Becky Lynch, Carmella and Ruby Riott in the process.
WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match
-The build up to this one has been all about Cedric Alexander’s missed chance at the Championship when Enzo Amore was fired for being dumb during his reign. As much as that sucked for Cedric, who was set to face Amore at the Royal Rumble, it did force the re-launch of 205 Live, the debut of GM Drake Maverick and a creative shift with Triple H over-seeing the brand like he does with NXT.
It’s no secret that the “new era” of 205 Live has been the best that the show has been since its inception. The move to a focus on the in-ring product, with characters being heavily emphasized but not dominating the product, has seen the brand get a new lease on life as it climbs the weekly rankings of most watched WWE Network programs.
Mustafa Ali’s story in this match is that he is beat up, bad. His tournament matches against Drew Gulak, Buddy Murphy and Jack Gallagher have done a number on his body, but he refuses to quit, and keeps pulling out the wins in spite of the physical toll he’s taken.
As much as this tournament seemed to be set up for Cedric Alexander to be showcased, it has turned into more of a feature for the surprising Ali. Mustafa continues to defy expectations, and I believe that this WrestleMania moment is going to be his. I would have Ali pull out the win in similar fashion to how he has throughout the tournament, getting beaten badly but forcing himself to continue on.
In the weeks after Mania, I would start teasing a Cedric heel turn, as he has to be frustrated by the way that things have gone for him, right? Whether or not Alexander is the man to dethrone Ali in the future, it builds a story of a desperate man in Cedric who can’t seem to win when playing nice, and it will lead to Ali’s title reign ending believably when everything catches up with him and he just can’t kick out anymore.
The SmackDown Authority Vs Kevin & Sami, Best Friends Extraordinaire
-This one has been brewing for quite some time. It’s been frustrating as well, watching two of SmackDown’s brightest stars essentially feuding with two non-wrestlers. Fortunately for us though, Daniel Bryan has been medically cleared to resume competing inside of the squared circle, and the story of this match and feud changes dramatically because of it.
Obviously, Bryan will need to be removed from his duties as SmackDown Live GM. Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn need to win this match to regain their contracts with the blue brand, so I don’t see them losing here, but it won’t come without some kind of wackiness.
I would have Shane get taken out of the match before the end, leaving Bryan to fend for himself against his two opponents. With Bryan seemingly in control, I would have Shane start coming back down to the ring, and then decide against it, leaving his partner and turning heel by later laying into Bryan about how his inability to be on the same page led to the whole thing in the first place. Maybe that could play into Daniel’s “firing” as SmackDown GM.
With Bryan seeing Shane bailing on him, I would allow the distraction to set up a series of moves from the heels, who use the advantage to put down Bryan in his return match and earn their contracts back. After the match though, is where I have the most fun.
Shane just probably became public enemy number one, and Daniel Bryan loses in his return match. What can we do to keep the audience happy? Why not have career-long friends Bryan, Owens and Zayn all shake hands in the ring, with the two former heels embracing their friend, proud of his accomplishment despite being pitted against one-another.
Shane can lead a group of heels against Bryan and fellow Indie-Darlings Owens & Zayn, while SmackDown gets a new GM (my vote is for Jeff Jarrett).
The Rowdy One & Jason Jordan’s Dad Vs The Real Authority
-In typical WWE fashion, the match receiving the most mainstream media attention is also the one that I care the absolute least about. I guess that speaks volumes to the difference between a casual fan and those of us who put professional wrestling above almost all other endeavors. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited for Rousey in the WWE, and I absolutely adore Triple H, so seeing him wrestle is always a pleasure… but this won’t be a very good wrestling match. It doesn’t need to be.
This is a spotlight for Rousey, who will get the chance to throw around The Game while Stephanie does her absolute best to avoid contact with the former UFC Champion. Kurt Angle and Triple H will beat the ever-loving crap out of each other and the match will end with a tag to Steph out of necessity, and a hot tag to Rousey, who will come in, destroy Stephanie and submit her.
I’d like to see another handshake after all of this though, with THE Authority giving Kurt Angle their blessing as RAW General Manager and putting over Rousey as the face of the Women’s Division, even if she isn’t quite there yet. There’s no doubt that the Rowdy One is the biggest name on the female front, and they should absolutely use that to their advantage. What I don’t want to see is the beef between these four carried on past Sunday night. It’s a Mania spectacle that needs to end at Mania, and allow for everyone to move on to more important things.
WWE SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match
-Can you believe that The Uso’s have never been on the main show for a WrestleMania? Bloody ridiculous. This one is going to be a doozy though, with it being a Triple Threat match against The Bludgeon Brothers and The New Day.
The Uso’s and New Day have a lot of history, trading the titles back and forth a few times. The Super Bludgeon Bros also have history with these two teams, dating back to their time as stooges for Bray Wyatt. With all three teams familiar with each other, and on the grandest stage of them all, I expect that this match will be great.
What I don’t expect though, is to see new Champions crowned. I wouldn’t do it, and the WWE shouldn’t do it. Like I mentioned previously, this is the first shot at the main show for The Uso’s at a WrestleMania, and they deserve the chance to walk out with the Championships. I was a little bit miffed that they didn’t lose the belts at the Royal Rumble because of the legal issues they were dealing with, but we’ve passed that now and there really is no reason to take the belts off of the hottest act on SmackDown.
Jimmy & Jey will win this one over the New Day, keeping the team of Harper & Rowan ready for another title shot, but hopefully also putting to bed the feud with The New Day, and welcoming up a new tag team or two from NXT in the post-Mania weeks and months. The Authors of Pain, TM-61 and The Undisputed Era could all see call-ups before SummerSlam, and any one of those three teams would make for great visitors to the Uso Penitentiary.
WWE RAW Tag Team Championship Match
-The Bar have been awesome since being put together. I wasn’t convinced that the Best of Seven Series that brought Cesaro & Sheamus together was going to be a good idea. In fact, I found it underwhelming, though some of the matches were pretty good. Then when they announced that they were teaming, I was hesitant.
It took a little while, but when they got rolling, The Bar became one of the best teams we have seen in a long time. Unfortunately, Sheamus has been working hurt for awhile, and with the other teams in the division being treated poorly, they really didn’t have anything for WrestleMania.
Enter: Braun Strowman, who won a Tag Team Battle Royal on his own to earn this Championship opportunity. Now, we’ve already been told that Strowman needs a partner for WrestleMania, or his match won’t happen. There have been jokes and petitions going around for Braun’s partner to be someone like Curt Hawkins or James Ellsworth. Let’s not do that.
Let’s do something that makes sense, and have Braun not be able to find a partner, until one man in the back proclaims that he will allow the Monster Among Men to walk with him. Let’s Walk with Elias.
These two have been at each other for months now, but if there is anyone in the back who can see the opportunity in front of them, it is Elias. I want Strowman to do most of the damage here, but it is imperative that Elias is allowed to look every bit the equal to both Sheamus and Cesaro. The dude has a bright future in the WWE. Braun does the damage, Elias picks up the win, and the two men don’t do a “can they co-exist” story, because those are done to death and why wouldn’t Elias be stoked to be teaming with someone as unstoppable as Braun? These two are going to be an interesting team moving forward.
WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship Match
-Make no mistake here, anything but an Asuka win is the wrong move. Charlotte has put on some spectacular performances, and has been a steady hand through this “Women’s Revolution”, but the Empress of Tomorrow is the real deal, and it’s her time to shine at Mania.
This is going to be a competitive match, and I fully expect that both women will go all out to try and steal the show. The cloud of Carmella’s Money in the Bank contract looms large over New Orleans, and while I do expect to see her cash-in, I don’t want or think that it will happen in this match. Asuka will win this one cleanly, cementing her status as the top level of WWE Women’s Wrestling.
Natalya will emerge as her first big challenge post-WrestleMania, and should provide plenty of opportunity for the fans to truly rally behind their new Champion before Charlotte gets her rematch, hopefully at SummerSlam.
WWE RAW Women’s Championship Match
-This one pains me a little bit, because I love Little Miss Bliss, but Alexa is not walking out of New Orleans with the Championship. Nia Jax is underrated for sure, but I’m not sold on her being ready for the title. This match is one where I would book Jax to be dominant, but would allow Bliss to eek out the victory by a very narrow margin.
After the match though, is where the title change occurs, as a badly beaten and exhausted Alexa Bliss just can’t keep going, and Carmella cashes in the Money in the Bank to win the Championship. Essentially, Carmella moves to RAW while Asuka moves to SmackDown, setting the stage for new matches on both brands featuring brand new Champions.
WWE United States Championship Match
-I enjoy all three men in this match, but let’s be honest here… who exactly was demanding that we see this match on the main card? It wouldn’t shock me if it gets moved to the pre-show if they are needing the time on the main card, but for now, expect this to be your bathroom break.
It’s not fair for these three, but Orton has been lost since he was a member of the Wyatt Family, Bobby Roode has not come across overly well as a face on the blue brand, and Jinder Mahal still carries the stigma of having been forced down the throats of fans as Champion during a time when many did not consider him worthy.
But wait just one second. At the last minute, this Triple Threat Match has become a Fatal Four Way! The last man injected into the fray being former Champion, Rusev.
Since this shin-dig is going down on Rusev Days (of all the days they could have booked WrestleMania for), I would throw both Rusev and the crowd a bone, and let the fans have their moment with their chosen guy. Rusev wins this one, becoming United States Champion again and giving us a Rusev Day to remember!
WWE Intercontinental Championship Match
-WWE made The Miz, and he won’t let us forget that. Miz has been ripping into former indie-darlings Seth Rollins (aka Tyler Black) and Finn Balor (aka Prince Devitt) during the past couple of months. There is no doubt in my mind whatsoever that The Miz is one of the greatest Intercontinental Champions of all time, and probably even the absolute mecca in terms of upper card guys who can slide into the main event scene, but don’t necessarily belong there full time. Like a Jake Roberts, almost.
Rollins has seemed lost over the past year, despite some amazing performances. Balor, similarly, hasn’t had a whole lot to do since returning from the injury that stripped him of the Universal Championship.
RAW 25 may have been a disaster, but it did leave us with promise of bigger things for Finn Balor and The Club. Now, heading into WrestleMania just two and a half months later, the team of Gallows & Anderson will be slumming it up on the pre-show Andre Battle Royal, and Balor himself is involved in a hastily thrown together program with friendly rival Seth Rollins and the man everybody loves to hate, The Miz.
The build-up to this one hasn’t been astounding by any means, but they took three guys with no real focus leading into New Orleans and have crafted what will probably be one of the best matches of the show. It wouldn’t shock me to see Miz leave with the Championship, but that’s not what I would do.
I want 2018 to see The Club finally take over. There’s been a major will they/won’t they going on since the trio was signed away from New Japan Pro-Wrestling, and RAW 25 was the latest major tease that big things were coming for the group. Let’s pull the trigger on that, have Gallows & Anderson neutralize The Miztourage at ringside, Seth Rollins pull out some crazy dive to take out Balor’s buddies, and Finn capitalize on the opportunity to put away The Miz and win the Intercontinental Championship.
Rollins is better as a heel anyways, so if they want to continue the Balor/Rollins stuff, it’s easy enough to turn Seth and have him be pissed about the way everything went down. With the rumors of Brock Lesnar being done after this weekend, it is imperative that WrestleMania is used to elevate some talents on RAW to better position them as legitimate challengers to likely new Universal Champion Roman Reigns.
WWE Universal Championship Match
-I may have tipped my hand here already, but it’s pretty obvious what’s going to go down unless the WWE has somehow managed to secretly secure the services of Lesnar beyond WrestleMania. It sounds like Brock is headed back to the UFC, but in the crazy world of professional wrestling… I mean, sports entertainment (sorry, Vince)… anything can happen.
That being said, I don’t expect or want to see Lesnar retain the Championship. While I am all for bigger stars not necessarily wrestling every week on television, I would definitely like to see the Champion present at the vast majority of shows, and not disappear for a month at a time.
I am not the biggest fan of giving the Championship to Reigns at the moment, but would like to point out that is because of the whole feud with Brock and has nothing to do with Reigns’ ability. It’s been poorly executed and only recently started to heat up when Roman said the things that were on the minds of a lot of fans, essentially trying to play the cool dude to Brock’s absentee-father who only shows up for major events and birthdays.
There is still a lot of value in Brock Lesnar for the WWE if he were to return or continue working for the company, but if he’s not going to be on the road with the rest of the roster, he shouldn’t be near the Championship. He’s a special attraction, for sure, and his matches tend to be quite entertaining despite my lack of enthusiasm for the stories that build to them.
Roman is going to have an up-hill battle in the post-Mania landscape. The fans aren’t going to just do a 180 and love him because he vanquished big ol’ Brock… and the creative team hasn’t done him any other favors in regards to building up legitimate challengers for him to overcome after Lesnar. When you’ve built up one guy as being unstoppable, you’ve done it at the expense of others. Unfortunately for Roman, he was the only guy really protected in the process, and even then, he has lost quite a bit in recent months.
RAW without Brock Lesnar as the Champion is going to be weak initially, and it’s going to be hard to overcome, but if the company really goes all in on emphasizing new stars in New Orleans, that would be a huge first step in the right direction to steady the ship.
Roman is going to win this one, and it’s going to be a competitive match, because there is no way that Brock does the Goldberg-job on his way out of the company, knowing that public perception is half of the job when it comes to selling his UFC fights.
WWE Championship Match
-January 4, 2016 was the curtain call for Shinsuke Nakamura and AJ Styles in New Japan Pro-Wrestling, as the two men completely tore the house down just prior to the announcement that both men would be leaving to join the WWE. In that bout, Nakamura defeated Styles to retain the IWGP Intercontinental Championship, a secondary title that he took to new heights when the fans had voted it into the main event of Wrestle Kingdom 8 just two years prior.
That moment helped solidify the Intercontinental Championship within New Japan, and also served as the catalyst for the rise of Tetsuya Naito in that company. Naito was the challenger to the IWGP Heavyweight Championship on that show, and disgusted with the idea that his match was considered lesser than the Intercontinental Title bout, Naito would go on an absolute tear with Los Ingobernables, becoming one of the most popular acts in the world today.
This time, the stakes are higher, as Nakamura will look to take the WWE Championship away from AJ Styles. Regardless of the outcome, this is the match that I have been most looking forward to seeing at WrestleMania, and it’s probably also going to be the match of the night. For the sake of everyone else involved, I damn sure hope this goes on last.
I can see a lot of people calling for this as Nakamura’s time, but I don’t think that he is quite there yet. His in ring skills and charisma are second to none, but the former IWGP Heavyweight Champion hasn’t really seemed all that comfortable within the confines of the WWE as of yet. It could be the language barrier, the cultural differences in Sports Entertainment as opposed to Japanese Puroresu, or even just that the creative team can’t seem to understand how to best utilize him. Regardless of the reasoning though, I don’t think this is a good time to pull the trigger on Nakamura’s first run with the WWE Championship.
This match is likely to be an epic encounter, and that is exactly what Nakamura needs. Shinsuke will get his big WrestleMania moment by taking AJ Styles right to the limit before falling victim to the Phenomenal One. Nakamura will need to be handled better by creative following WrestleMania, but a strong showing against the company MVP is going to solidify him in the minds of a lot of fans. Styles deserves to close the biggest show of the year, and his career, by standing in the middle of the ring, holding the WWE Championship.
Just like Nakamura defeated Styles at Wrestle Kingdom 10, AJ will get his win back here. I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing them bump fists like they did in Japan, exhausted and on their knees following their classic match, but the final shot of WrestleMania 34 should be of reigning Champion AJ Styles.
Dead Man Blocker
-No, I did not forget about whiny baby John Cena and his continued calling out of retiree The Undertaker. I’m not even really sure what to say about this, other than that this whole thing has been wonky and poorly executed. Cena has seemed out of character, being desperate for this match with The Undertaker because, as he keeps saying, he believes that is the only way for him to get on the card at WrestleMania 34.
It’s not like there’s an Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal for him to take part in… or a Braun Strowman who could have used a tag team partner… or even the possibility of him snaking his way into the Intercontinental or United States Championship matches. No, those opportunities don’t exist. The only thing John Cena can do to be on WrestleMania is to wrestle The Undertaker.
Flawed logic and stupidity aside, I’m not even sure I want to see this match. No one has seen The Undertaker wrestle since his match against Roman Reigns, and when The Big Dog put him down, Taker didn’t look like a guy who should continue competing. Granted, he’s had surgery to repair his broken body since then and is reportedly in pretty good shape… but one of my favorite sayings in regards to wrestling is “Show, don’t Tell”.
We haven’t seen The Undertaker at all since his ominous and nonsensical appearance at RAW 25. He hasn’t responded to any of Cena’s comments or challenges. If a match happens at Mania, it won’t be nearly as big as it should have been for that reason. What I expect though, is that this was never about The Undertaker wrestling at Mania 34. Cena will sneak into the ring and call him out one more time, right in the middle of the show… and then the lights will go out, and Kid Rock will get in his musical performance by playing Big Evil to the ring to the tune of American Bad Ass.
The Undertaker should confront John Cena, but it shouldn’t be physical unless there’s a Cena heel turn coming up. This should all be about Taker educating Cena about what it means to be the veteran on the back-end of his career, and about encouraging him to continue pushing himself to be the best that he can be, because without Cena and guys like him, the stars of tomorrow have no one to challenge themselves against.
Well, that’s probably one hell of a read, but if you got to the end, thank you so very much for your support. What do you guys think about my ideas, what do you want to see happen, and are you more excited for WrestleMania 34 or NXT Takeover? Let me know in the comments or at threevalleywrestling@gmail.com
