Having forked out a lot of money on a range of different shows on Fite, I felt it only good and honourable to review the very first show of the weekend – WrestlePro’s ‘Does Funny = Money?’. As I’m not the most voracious of indy wrestling fans, I changed up my review style for these shows – my own knowledge of the competitors will come alongside the match and my verdict. I look forward to some people working their way onto my radar this weekend, that’s for sure.
Bobby Wayward versus Kikutaro
What I know: I’ve always enjoyed a Kikutaro match; I’ve never seen Bobby Wayward but apparently he is a stalwart of WrestlePro according to the commentary team.
The match: Wayward played straight man to Kikutaro’s fool against a backdrop of mostly silence during the opening exchanges, though Wayward did draw a few chants from the WrestlePro fans telling him he sucked. The crowd did pop for Kikutaro sending the referee into Wayward following two failed corner charges of his own, whilst the referee also ended up on the receiving end of a misguided low blow from Kikutaro. The ref not only then crumpled on an attempted count from a Fisherman Suplex by Wayward, but caught Wayward with a clothesline and a DDT following some manoeuvring by Kikutaro. This ultimately cost Wayward as Kikutaro won with the Shining Wizard
Verdict: It got better as the match went on, but by-the-numbers Kikutaro for the most part.
Dan Lambert, the founder of American Top Team, came out to the ring joined by Colby Covington and John Hartnett. The focus is Hartnett’s Open Challenge, though Lambert decided to cancel it after running down all modern wrestling, including WrestlePro. As the trio headed to leave, Scarlett Bordeaux came out to seemingly answer the challenge.
John Hartnett’s Open Challenge – versus Scarlett Bordeaux
What I know: I know pretty much nothing about either of these, except that Bordeaux wrestles for Impact.
The match: Bordeaux hits some pretty ropey looking strikes, but nails a big running butt bump in the corner. A Teabag Driver (as I’ve seen it called) ends the match within seconds. Post-match, Dan Lambert jumped Bordeaux, only for the introduction of a door to backfire as Bordeaux ended up putting Hartnett through it with a spear.
Verdict: Short, but at least a payoff for the pre-match interview.
Pat Buck versus Santana Jackson
What I know: I’ve never seen Pat Buck, but have seen the moonwalk DDT video that appears to have made Jackson a notable figure in wrestling.
The match: According to commentary, Buck’s role recently has been beating up ‘buzz-worthy’ wrestlers. If it wasn’t already clear, Jackson does a Michael Jackson gimmick, including all the dance moves and a glittery glove. A jiving take on Old School into an armdrag is fun, whilst a Thriller-themed ‘Hulk Up’ followed a spinning tombstone from Buck that saw Jackson kick out at two also gets a pop. Unsurprisingly, Jackson landed the moonwalk DDT, yet Buck ended up in the ropes during the pin in an awkward moment. Buck finally put Jackson down with a slam variation from the electric chair drop position.
Verdict: Your mileage will vary depending on your thoughts surrounding a Michael Jackson gimmick. If you get past that, there are some half decent spots to be enjoyed/laughed at.
Johnny Clash versus Anthony Bowens versus Jake Manning versus Matt Macintosh
What I know: At the risk of becoming repetitive, I don’t know about any of these, though I do like that Jake Manning is doing a ‘Man Scout’ gimmick, bringing a tent to the ring with him.
The match: The tent was eventually removed by Matt Macintosh, kicking the match into high gear from the beginning. Manning’s tent contains props that include a scout book and a rope, each which get a brief airing as the latter in particular sees Clash get wrapped up and spun out. The tent made its return later on with all four men fighting inside of it before Manning slammed it onto his three opponents as they stood at ringside. A wrestling match broke out as the men traded nearfalls on some high impact offense including an incredibly close count on a top rope trust fall by Manning on Clash. It was Manning who picked up the win after a typical multi-man stacked superplex drove Clash through the tent itself.
Verdict: As someone who hasn’t seen Manning before, I enjoyed it. Bowens and Macintosh both also looked like decent wrestlers in amongst the messing about.
Team Tremendous (Bill Carr and Dan Barry) versus Demon Bunny (Rosemary and Allie)
What I know: I thought it was possible that I’d seen Demon Bunny during the Wrestlemania Weekender last year, but I was mistaken. I’ve heard good things about Team Tremendous.
The match: After some early exchanges showcased that Rosemary didn’t entirely understand that biting and gouging aren’t legal, nor that she was scared of Carr’s imaginary pistol, Rosemary ended up briefly isolated, only to land a tornado DDT on Barry for the hot tag to Allie. She even took it to big Bill Carr with three sliding clotheslines in a row. An assisted STO by Team Tremendous almost put Allie away as their size began to win out, but a collision allowed Demon Bunny to get the pin on Barry following a codebreaker/German suplex combination. We even saw Carr get misted to boot.
Verdict: More feel-good than good, perhaps, but it was fun enough while it lasted.
Birdbox Match: Shawn Donavan versus Buster Jackson
What I know: I didn’t watch Birdbox, I know that much at least.
The match: A Birdbox match is one that sees everyone, including the ring announcer and the referee, blindfolded, hearkening back to the Jake Roberts/Rick Martel classic of yesteryear. Various shenanigans ensued, the type you’d expect when both the wrestlers can’t see such as missed elbowdrops, charges into the ropes by mistake, hiptosses by the referee, and so on. As heel, Donavan was on the rough end of most of this, before his blindfold was ripped off. His behaviour referenced the film in an interesting choice of booking insofar as it caused him to do a diving senton onto no-one. One very slow count followed to give Jackson the win.
Verdict: Really didn’t like this. There isn’t really anything you can do to make it ‘work’ for me.
Tag Team Gauntlet Match: Grim/Freddy Flamingo IV versus Shook Crew (Max Caster/Bryce Donovan/Bobby Orlando) versus The Breakfast Club (Kip Stevens/CPA) versus Massage Force (Dorian Graves/VsK) versus J.O.B Security (Officer Ronald/Big Malcom) versus Kevin Matthews/Fallah Bah versus The BWO versus Team Espana (Jos A and Jos B)
What I know: I wasn’t a fan of ECW at the time that the BWO were running wild, but they were both wrestlers I got to see during the Attitude Era in particular. Neither necessarily inspired me if I’m honest.
The match: Grim is a big man and the majority of the first contest focused around him using his size, including in a ‘Grim Job’ stinkface on Donovan. Unfortunately, he ran himself into the ground on a ringside chase, distracting the referee long enough for Caster to hit a low blow on Flamingo IV and end the first match. Bobby Orlando was substituted in for Donovan to allow the Shook Crew to get the jump on The Breakfast Club, but it doesn’t work initially as it leads to a series of miscommunications. Grim was still in the ring and his ample rear turned the tide after some Shook Crew offense, Caster finding himself colliding head first to crack following a drop toehold. After dealing with the Shook Crew’s toy goat via Canadian Destroyer, a Hart Attack took out Orlando.
Massage Force are out next and they began with the Massage of the Day, but they were unable to put their opponents away so quickly. This portion of the Gauntlet seemed the most ‘independent wrestling’ for lack of a better term as some big combination moves landed, though there was still time for ridiculous spots like an assisted corner headbutt that made good use of massage oil. An assisted codebreaker eliminated the Breakfast Club.
Massage Force became the only team to get through a second team as they eliminated J.O.B. Security after some brief big man offense from Security, ending another contest with the assisted codebreaker. They had less success with Fallah Bah and Kevin Matthews, though the new team failed miserably on their attempt to do the massage slide headbutt. Multiple Panda Express rolls saw even the ref and McKenzie on commentary getting involved, before Bah got the pin with the Banzai Drop.
The BWO, ever popular, were up next, leading to a Bah/Blue Guy sumo showdown. The threat of a Blue Guy dive dispersed the other three wrestlers to all four corners of the building, yet Bah being the legal man cost his team as he was counted out. An impromptu hot dog break – dogs provided by a returning Bah – allowed the BWO to get jumped by Team Espana, the final team in the match. Unfortunately, the finish was blown as a suplex from the apron by Hollywood Nova should have seen Jos B trip him, but Nova went down before the contact. Shame.
Verdict: The middle section with Massage Force was by far the best in my opinion, but this went too long for my tastes.
No Holds Barred: Dan Maff versus Swoggle
What I know: Considering how long Maff has been around, I’ve somehow never seen him in a match. Swoggle is Swoggle…
The match: The first of what feels like many Swoggle ‘freakshow’-style matches this weekend. Swoggle used a stepladder, a trash can and a kendo stick to try and take Maff out early, but this turned into torture porn quickly as Swoggle used a Maff-introduced staple gun on Maff’s twig and giggleberries. Both men were introduced to some Duplo bricks, whilst a barbed-wire chair DDT earned Swoggle a two count. An ugly spot saw Maff reverse an RKO and dump Swoggle on the chair. Maff offered Swoggle a chance to walk out, yet the story was Swoggle continually coming back. He wasn’t able to fight his way out of a ladder-assisted camel clutch though, tapping out to end the pain.
Verdict: Some surprisingly fun nearfalls, but just too much of a freakshow feeling to it.
Main Event: The Heavenly Bodies (Gigolo Justin/Desirable Dustin) versus Santino Marella and Colt Cabana
What I know: I love the Heavenly Bodies gimmick, so like seeing a new team with it. I was a big Marella fan; less so, Cabana.
The match: Various early teases/reactions to the Cobra meant things took a little while to get going. Cabana and Marella both ran through their spots early, including dual bionic elbows and Marella hitting an elbow off of the first turnbuckle. Cabana ended up blindsided following a blind tag to allow the Bodies to build some heat. This was uninspiring, though did include a close tag where Marella was pulled off of the apron in a spot I’ve always enjoyed. This was all to build to Marella’s hot tag, though a ref bump allowed Killer Kross to hit the ring and attack Marella before things could culminate. A fiery Kross promo in which he derided comedy wrestling and hit low blows on Cabana and Marella followed, only for Joey Ryan to come out to defend comedy wrestling’s honour. Ryan saw off Kross, penised (if that’s a word) the Bodies, and dual Cobras finished the contest.
Verdict: People don’t like Ryan, but this was about the most interesting thing about an otherwise insipid match.
What I know now: WrestlePro ‘Does Funny = Money?’ was by no means a bad show, it just felt like a slog as things progressed due to the running time and the one note nature of a lot of the acts. A quiet crowd didn’t help at all.
Best match: Johnny Clash versus Anthony Bowens versus Jake Manning versus Matt Macintosh
Less good: Grim/Freddy Flamingo IV versus Shook Crew (Max Caster/Bryce Donovan/Bobby Orlando) versus The Breakfast Club (Kip Stevens/CPA) versus Massage Force (Dorian Graves/VsK) versus J.O.B Security (Officer Ronald/Big Malcom) versus Kevin Matthews/Fallah Bah versus The BWO versus Team Espana (Jos A and Jos B)
